Yesterday, in my weekly column for ABCNews.com, I wrote about the top five things that are good about mergers. It was pretty straightforward, but in some cases, my tongue was firmly lodged in cheek. But it got me to thinking. And thinking. So I came up with a brand NEW list that, shall we say, covers the same ground in a “slightly” more cynical manner. Take a look; I think it will help you start your day with a smile (and I urge you: add your own items to “the list”).

Rick’s Top Five List of Good Things About Mergers (”Cynical” Edition)

#1. Good News for Inept Website Navigators

Now that Delta and Northwest are getting together, I am delighted to see that the new name of the merged airline will be…Delta. And that’s because, every time I attempt to go to the Northwest site, I type in Northwest.com. Only, that’s not the site! It’s a somewhat cheesy “doorway” site about the glories of…the Northwest. As in Canada, Washington, and Oregon. Clearly, Northwest was too cheap to buy its own domain name.

No doubt, some of you are saying, “Hey, Rick! Why don’t you just type in “nwa.com” like the rest of us do?” Well, the answer is, I can never remember “nwa”. But don’t worry — I can remember “Delta”.

#2. 1-Poorly Rated Airline X 1-Poorly Rated Airline = 1-Good Merged Airline

Okay, we know that multiplying a “negative” times a “negative” equals a “positive” (thank you, Dr. Math). So shouldn’t it follow that merging a couple of poorly regarded airlines could result in a “good” one?

If you don’t like my mathematics, consider this: once a merger is announced, it could happen that each of these, oh, dare I say “rotten” airlines (rotten in terms of customer service) is so disgusted by the other, that each will immediately begin improvements so as to become “top dog” as the integration occurs.

Well….it could happen that way.

#3. Our Favorite “Pet Peeve” Makes a Comeback

Remember when there was one thing everyone agreed on? The sheer awfulness of airline food. Unfortunately, stand-up comics have been forced to find new topics, since the airlines have taken away our meals.

But as the carriers scramble to fill their empty seats (the result of higher airline ticket prices), I predict that the rubber chicken and what the airlines optimistically call “steak” will make a comeback.

And the country will once again be united in its hatred of “cart cuisine”.

#4. Old Planes Will Make Our Old Cars Look Better

Once again, those soaring fuel prices come into play, as some airlines say overall high prices and merger integration means they will have to fly some of their older planes longer.

Great news for those of us driving old beaters; pilots flying old planes will not be able to laugh at us.

#5. Fewer Worries for Indecisive Folks

Are you the kind of person who goes crazy trying to decide if you should wear your brown pants or the black ones with that blue jacket? Well, mergers will mean less airlines to choose from, so you won’t have to do as much shilly-shallying.

No more freezing in the face of decisions such as, do I fly airline A or B? Now it’s just airline C!

And there you have it. Who said nothing good can come from mergers? I’ll bet you have plenty of ideas of your own — and please, leave them in the comments section — I can’t wait to read them.