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Top 10 Possible New Airline Fees

May 30, 2008 | Posted in: Airline News

I had a little day dream today about possible new fees that airlines (or for that matter the government) might charge to recoup the cost of fuel — I figured you might have some suggestions as well so fire away …

  1. Humongous Carry-On Bag Relief Fund (to bail outluggage manufacturers who over inventoried reasonable size carry-on bags)
  2. Charging people by the pound at check-in (one could of course diet — or not –after ticket purchase but before departure requiring a scale & credit card transaction at check-in)
  3. “Bigger” Plane Surcharge (non grounded MD-80 vs. CRJ)
  4. Boarding Group Order Surcharge (complimentary to the $15 first check bag fee, as those that board last will be charged because of no bin space and forced to gate check)
  5. Clean Seat Back Pocket Fee (to cover the cost of a HazMat team coming in between flights)
  6. Unmarked In-Flight Magazine Fee (to replenish after the HazMat team or the guy who tore out the male pattern baldness advert page)
  7. Bag Never Lost Insurance Fee (cover the cost of adding a Mission Impossible tracking microdot to each bag — check that we can’t even sort out GPS for planes …)
  8. Refreshment Cart Starting Location Fee (guaranttees the cart will start on your end of the plane)
  9. Working Seat Back Fee (to protect us against the dreaded Knee Defender)
  10. Customer Satisfaction Survey Ballot Box Stuffing Surcharge (so that airlines will rate higher than the IRS and Gas Stations on next years U. Michigan survey)

BTW, I posted a current airline fee chart for those who want to see a comparison side-by-side.

3 Responses to “Top 10 Possible New Airline Fees”

  1. Elizabeth says:

    They might start charging for using the built in radio…or maybe a surcharge for using the air fan and reading lamp. Those bulbs can get pretty expensive you know. And what about the charge for using the toilet paper and soap in the bathroom? Just a few of the many to come, I am sure.

  2. Elliot Campbell says:

    Well, they came out with fuel surcharges, even though the fuel usage should theoretically be paid for in the price of the ticket. So why not have a surcharge to pay for the airline’s second largest expense – the employees. It’s a wage surcharge to pay the flight attendents and pilot’s that will be working your flight. Perhaps they could raise it at some point to include a fee to go into a bonus account – after all, no matter what an airline’s profit is, it wouldn’t be right for the top executives to go home without hundreds of thousands of $, or millions, in bonuses each year.

    Seriously though, and I’m surprised this hasn’t happened yet, I figured it would last year sometime: I’m expecting free non-alcoholic beverage service to stop on domestic flights. If they’re nice about it, perhaps water will remain free, but I’m expecting to have to anti-up for the privilege of drinking coke on an airplane soon.

  3. Amused says:

    They could extend the idea of charging for weight to also charge for IQ (or gullibility). If you fill out the form or take a test, then you get charged. If you are stupid enough, then you will pay the money or, perhaps, the intelligence question is moot for the American consumer??

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