Watching the airline industry these days is like visiting an old friend in the hospital — while you’re on crutches. Painful for everyone. Which got me to thinking (always a little dangerous) — so, with apologies to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, here are the Five Stages of Grief for the airlines — and their passengers. STAGE 1. DENIAL (”This can’t be happening”) “We don’t need to hedge fuel prices. How could they possibly go over $80 a barrel?” — U.S. Legacy Airlines British Airways opened the new Terminal 5 at Heathrow with much fan fare about modernization — then they began “misplacing” luggage. Not to worry, they said — those 20,000 lost bags were simply an “issue”. STAGE 2. ANGER (”It’s not fair”) The passengers were ready for American’s Miami to LaGuardia flight, but the crew was delayed. When they finally showed up, the passengers were insulting, so the crew up and left. Passengers ended up in a hotel surrounded by barbed wire; the next day, they finally flew to LaGuardia — but their bags flew to JFK. Naomi Campbell had Heathrow anger management issues - lost luggage, harsh language, physical assault, but - no word on whether this will affect her dancing lizard commercials. Wait til you see the NEXT three stages — coming right up — just keep reading.

STAGE 3. BARGAINING (”I’ll do anything for another chance”)

• Remember Aloha Airlines? Nice airline with good people — but a shaky financial situation. We can just imagine the death-bed conversation right before they went under: “But, wait we are about to announce that we had the best on-time record of any airline!”

• Spirit Airlines CEO writes a nasty email about an upset passenger - but accidentally sent copy of same to that upset passenger, and hilarity ensued as it goes viral on the internet. I see a class in Microsoft Outlook in the CEO’s future.

• US Airways keeps playing a game of musical chairs with potential merger partners - but never seems to be near an open chair when the music stops

STAGE 4. DEPRESSION (”There’s no point in trying”)

• You follow the rules. You watch for bargains. And guess what happens? Crazy oil prices happen. And AIRLINES HIKE AIRFARES 15 TIMES THIS YEAR ALONE!

• Okay, okay, relax. You play by the new rules. You buy well in advance to avoid new hikes. And what happens? AIRLINES DISCONTINUE YOUR FLIGHTS! And they do this before you even know what hit you.

STAGE 5. ACCEPTANCE (”I’ll deal with it”)

• Four of the six legacy carriers are now charging you for checking a single bag. Your response? “Well, thank goodness this US Airways Diet Coke is still only $2“ or perhaps it’s, “I’m so glad Frontier hasn’t upped its antler-transporting’ fee yet again — why, shipping this rack for 100 bucks is such a bargain!”

• Know what’s happened? ALL THOSE FEES HAVE MADE YOU GOOFY! But, what the heck, maybe a small case of the crazies is absolutely essential to the art of acceptance.