Summer is here – okay, so this year is not a record-breaker, but there are a lot of people in the air these days, taking advantage of the great deals out there.
So I thought, maybe it’s time for a refresher course in airplane etiquette. Take a look, and please add your own “no-no’s” in the comments section below.
The Nine No-No’s of Flying
1. Annoying Aromatherapy: Doesn’t matter whether it’s you, your sandwich or your scent — if the five rows in front and back of you can pinpoint your seat – that stinks.
- DON’T assume a liberal dousing with Old Spice is “just as good as a shower”
- DON’T pack egg salad sandwiches or liver-and-onions in any form
- DON’T use a 6am flight to acquaint seatmates with your new Britney Spears perfume
2. Bin Beast: There’s not enough space for everyone’s carryon anyway – take more than your share and behold the wrath of your seatmates.
- DO put your bag in wheels first, never sideways
- DON’T use an oversized bag or did you miss that square peg/round hole lecture?
- DON’T put your laptop in the bin, unless you don’t mind 50 people slamming it around as they desperately seek room for their oversized bags
3. Boozification: While it may seem like a great idea to kill time waiting for that delayed flight with a glass or two, you may regret it.
- DON’T argue with flight attendants if they cut you off – you may find yourself continuing your argument with the police
- DON’T look for other sources of alcohol; one woman tried liquid soap, and the resulting mayhem led to 22 days in jail
4. First Class Fever: One who sits in coach, but feels entitled to all the perks of the next class – to the great displeasure of the flight attendants.
- DON’T constantly buzz for crew members – they really do have better things to do
- DON’T treat crew members like servants; honestly, who would you rather help, Dr. Heckle or Mr. Nice?
5. Puppy Love: You may be shocked to learn some of your fellow passengers do not consider dogs (or cats or rodents) “man’s best friend”
- DON’T take your pet out of its carrying case; I can assure you this will not bring a smile to the face of that grumpy road warrior beside you
- DO consider a pet-only airline; perhaps your dog doesn’t want to fly with all those annoying humans
Coming up, “Lavatory Hijinks” and more – so keep reading.
6. Cell Phone Sneaking: No, the plane probably won’t blow up – but why take a chance? Besides, cell phone usage on commercial jetliners is against the law on U.S. flights (for now).
- DON’T call or text once the flight attendant says “turn ‘em off” or you could find yourself thrown off the plane
- DO fly an overseas carrier that allows cells and yak away to your heart’s content, until strangled
7. Pre-Flight Coma: Don’t nod off as the flight attendant begins the safety spiel – what would Capt. Sully say?
- DO pay attention – you only have seconds to escape when a plane ditches and knowing exactly where the exits are could save your life (check out the post that “no one wants to read”)
- DON’T carry your belongings with you in an emergency situation; you will delay others – and look foolish during the national coverage of your rescue
8. Lavatory Hijinks: Use it for its intended purpose.
- DON’T take forever and keep everyone waiting – but don’t skip washing your hands, either
- DO leave it as clean as you found it, which maybe wasn’t very clean – but quit complaining, you could be on Ryanair, getting charged for this privilege
9. Rants of Rudeness: You weren’t born in a hangar, were you? Then don’t act like it.
- DO be polite – it makes the flight more endurable for everyone, and remember — no matter how loudly you yell it, we don’t know who you are
- DON’T be a jerk, because everyone from flight attendants to gate agents to security personnel could make your life a little more miserable – frisking, anyone?