Okay, this is completely unscientific. It’s also a lot of fun – for me. Hope you enjoy it, too.
Which among the following is your favorite fee – one the airlines should adopt, without delay? It’s the kind of thing we’d see in a place I’ll call “Perfect World”. Let me know what you think in the comments section.
Annoying Pet Fee: $10 one-way fee for any animal that makes noise (and double the fee if the noise prompts its owner to take the creature out of the carrier).
Filled-Bin Fee: $15 fee paid by the person who puts too much stuff in the overhead bin closest to you; if there’s no room for your stuff in that bin, you split the fee with the airline.
Food Fraud Fee: $20 fee paid by the airline anytime the on-board “food-for-purchase” does not resemble the dazzling photos in the in-flight magazine, or does not meet descriptions provided by the crew.
Oh, yes – there’s more – so please keep reading…
Yakking Passenger Fee: $20 fee paid to passenger who has made it clear he does not wish to engage in conversation, by the seatmate who persists in doing so. On long-haul flights, payment will be made in half-hour increments, if necessary.
Screaming Baby/Toddler Fee: No fee will be paid by parents of screaming children under the age of one, but the airline will be required to reseat parent/baby in the rear if possible. Parents of toddlers however, can be fined $20 one-way for any screaming, whether these sounds emanate from the toddler, the upset parent, or the had-it-up-to-here fellow passengers. The airlines will also pay scream-deafened passengers a fee of $100, unless they specifically opt for child-friendly seating.
Trapped-on-Tarmac Fee: No such fee needed, since in “Perfect World” no such event will ever take place!
Readers – how about it – do you have suggestions?
I vote yes for all of them ;o)
My worse experience was on an evening flight that was delayed an hour by weather. Seated behind us was a mother, grandmother and whining adolescent of about 10 years of age. Mom and grandmom got liquored up, kept telling the kid to shut up, which she didn’t, and they talked in loud voices nonstop while others around them (including me) tried to nap. I vote for $100 fee per whining adolescent, and $200 fee for loudmouth lushes.
I agree with Sally, only I would charge even more$200 and $500, respectively. I have suffered through both expereinces and while I can have some level of undestanding with adolescents, I have a zero tolerance for the loudmouths and make it a practice to specifically ask the flite attendant to ask such pasengers to keep quiet. God help us if they ever allow cell phone use.
I’d like fees imposed and paid to the person who must sit next to two people who can’t keep their hands off each other. I recently suffered through part of a 5 1/2 hour flight (found an empty seat elsewhere, thank God) with a couple who were literally putting their hands in each other’s pants. I’m no prude, but no one should have to sit in the same row, let alone next to, people who apparently aren’t smart enough to head to the lavatory for some Mile-High Club time.
The screaming toddler fee sounds good to me but an additional fee should be charge if the parent in charge insists on acting out loudly for everyone within earshot to hear. I was on a mercifully short flight when a small child (about 18 months) started to wail and become demanding. The mother found it necessary to speak loudly to the child so that we all could hear–making statements that no small child could possibly understand. Frankly, the mother’s performance was more tiresome that the child. The mother was still lecturing and acting out after we deplaned. Thank goodness I lost them both in the crowd!
Disgusting Fat Body Fee- $25 to each adjacent passenger.
Airlines already charge overweight passengers for seatbelt extensions, but the money should go to the passengers who have to sit next to the slob. Nothing worse that someone’s fat roll hanging over the armrest.
My small dog (7 kilos) is silent and sleeps for entire trans-Atlantic flights, while humans his size scream ceaselessly. Pets in-cabin must be in carriers at all times, while the same is not true of babies.
My pet isn’t annoying by any stretch of the imagination – and you seem to think pets fly for free. I pay for my dog to fly in-cabin, while some infants fly free.
srdjana,
Oh, believe me, we KNOW pets don’t fly for free: check out our airline fee chart here: http://rickseaney.com/domestic-airline-fee-chart-2/ Note that we list the prices of pet transport on U.S. domestic airlines, and yes, some there are some startling figures!
Thanks for writing,
Rick