Darn. They’ve been teasing us for almost two years now, telling us about tests underway that could mean we get to keep our Jimmy Choo’s on – or your sneakers.

But it never quite happens.

And Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano threw more cold water on the idea of staying shod in the security line during an online chat with travelers Tuesday. She said current technology just isn’t good enough to allow screeners to see what might be in our shoes, while we’re wearing them.

My advice? Lace-less shoes – you know, something you can get-in-and-out-of quickly and easily.  

CNN talk show host Larry King supposedly hasn’t flown commercial in a decade – opting for private jets instead – but for some reason, he flew commercial earlier this week to D.C. to host a charity event, and – seemed somewhat shocked at the changes in security.

With apologies to Mr. King, we decided to turn the incident into a “Larry King Live” conversation as imagined by my editor, with an asterisk (*) denoting King’s actual comments, as reported by the Washington Examiner.

Larry King: “Artie in Peoria, hello!”

Artie: “Hi, Larry. Heard you had quite the time with security at the airport. You okay?”

King: “I don’t know, my friend. They made me take off my shoes. Unbelievable.” [King was reported to be "miffed" about this]

Artie: “Well, there was this guy…”

King: “And another thing – I set off an alarm.”

Artie: “Your suspenders, maybe?”

King: “So when you fail the test, which is what I did, I failed the security test, they had to give me the complete body search.”*

Artie: “Been there.”

King: “So I had to stand there with arms [out] and they are talking with me at the same time, ‘loved the show last night, turn over your belt,’ and then they grab you by the privates.”*

Artie: “Ouch.”

King: “They examined me pretty good.”*

*Statements by King as reported in the Washington Examiner.